Your first support group for moms of struggling kids: what happens in the room

What happens at Coffee Days, in brief

At Coffee Days, moms and female caregivers of children and teens with mental health challenges sit down together, share what they are going through, trade resources that have helped, learn about mental health, and encourage one another, in a setting where nobody is judged. The group is free, there is coffee, and you do not need to bring anything but yourself. It is not therapy and not a crisis service; it is a room full of women who understand.

Grant Halliburton Foundation runs Coffee Days as a free monthly peer support group in the Dallas area, with a Spanish-language group, Charlas con un Cafecito, as well. This guide explains who it is for, what the ground rules are, where the groups meet, and what to expect the first time you walk in.

Who the group is for

Coffee Days is for moms and female caregivers of children and teens with mental health challenges. That includes mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers, aunts, foster moms and any woman who is raising or caring for a young person who is struggling. You do not need your child to have a diagnosis, and there is no requirement about what the challenge is. Some women come because their child was just hospitalized; others because years of ups and downs have left them exhausted; others because they have only recently realized something is wrong.

The three meeting times are spread across a weekday evening, a Friday morning and a Saturday morning, which gives women who work full time, women who care for younger children at home and women who live in the northern suburbs a realistic chance of finding one that fits their week.

You also do not need to be in a particular place emotionally. Some women come ready to talk. Others come to listen for months before they say much. Both are welcome, and both get something from it.

If you are a dad or a male caregiver looking for the same kind of support, call the Foundation and ask what is available; the Here For Texas Navigation Line can also help you find parent support resources near you.

Inside the room

Our Coffee Days page describes the heart of each meeting simply: members share stories, exchange resources, learn about mental health and encourage one another in a judgment-free setting. In practice, that means you will hear from other mothers about what has worked and what has not, from finding a therapist who connects with a teenager to handling a school meeting to getting through a hard weekend. You may hear the name of a provider or a program that someone found helpful. You may hear something that makes you laugh for the first time in a while.

What you will not get is a lecture or a sales pitch. The value comes from the other women in the room, many of whom have been where you are. One mother whose son was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder wrote that the group helped her find a way to put her feet on the ground again. That is what peer support tends to do: it does not solve the problem, but it makes it possible to keep standing while you work on it.

There is no pressure to speak. If all you can manage the first time is to sit, drink your coffee and listen, that is a perfectly good first meeting, and nobody in the room will think less of you for it.

The ground rules that keep it safe

Every Coffee Days group follows four guidelines, set out on our Coffee Days page. They exist so that women can speak honestly about their families without worrying about how it will be received or where it will go.

• Be kind and courteous. Feedback and resources are shared respectfully.
• Politics-free. Political discussions are not part of the group.
• Judgment-free. Criticism and negativity are not welcome, because everyone is trying to make the best decisions for their loved ones.
• Confidentiality. Members can ask questions and talk openly, but what is discussed stays in the group, including off social media.

Where and when the groups meet

Coffee Days meets monthly at three locations, each at a different time of day so women with different schedules can attend. Meeting dates are posted on our Coffee Days page; check there before you go, because some locations skip a summer month. There is no cost, and our page says simply: just bring yourself, we will have the coffee ready.

• University Park Library, 8383 Preston Center Plaza, second-floor meeting room: Saturday mornings, 10 a.m. to noon.
• Highland Park United Methodist Church, 3300 Mockingbird Lane, Room 215: Thursday evenings, 6 to 8 p.m.
• First United Methodist Church Richardson, 503 N. Central Expressway, Rooms 204 and 205: Friday mornings, 9:30 to 11 a.m.
• Charlas con un Cafecito, our Spanish-language group for Spanish-speaking caregivers. Contact the Foundation for current times and locations.

Why mothers need support of their own

When a child is struggling, a mother's attention goes entirely to the child. Appointments, school calls, medication schedules, sleepless nights and constant watchfulness fill the days, and her own needs disappear. Many women also carry this quietly. They worry about how others will see their child or their parenting, so they stop talking about it with friends, and the isolation becomes its own weight.

A peer group breaks that isolation in a way that well-meaning friends often cannot. Other mothers in the room do not need the backstory explained. They do not offer the advice that does not fit, or the reassurance that sounds hollow. They know. That recognition, month after month, is what helps many women steady themselves enough to keep making good decisions for their families.

Taking care of yourself is not a distraction from your child's care. It is part of it. A parent who has support is better able to stay patient, notice changes and keep advocating over the long haul.

The strain often reaches the rest of the family as well. Siblings may feel overlooked, partners may cope in different ways, and the household can start to revolve around the next crisis. Hearing how other families have kept some normal routines going, protected time with their other children or divided the load between adults can be as useful as any clinical resource.

What a support group is not

Coffee Days is peer support, not therapy, and it does not replace care from licensed professionals for your child or for you. If you think you would benefit from your own counselor, that is a sign of good judgment, not weakness, and the women in the group can often share who has helped them.

It is also not a crisis service. If your child talks about suicide or self-harm, has a plan, or you believe they are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org; the Lifeline says its conversations are free and confidential and that it is available 24/7.

For help finding care that is not an emergency, our free Here For Texas Mental Health Navigation Line at 972-525-8181, Monday through Friday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., connects you with a trained navigator who helps identify therapists, programs and in-network or sliding-scale options. Our guide on what teen mental health care costs, and what is free explains more.

Getting the most from your first few meetings

The first meeting is usually the hardest, and it is completely normal to feel nervous walking into a room of strangers to talk about your child. A few things tend to help.

Between meetings, try to keep one small thing for yourself each week, whether that is a walk, a call with a friend who knows what is going on, or an hour with no appointments in it. It will not fix anything, but it keeps you from running on empty, and the group will be there again next month.

• Plan to come at least two or three times before deciding whether it fits. The first meeting is mostly about getting your bearings.
• Bring a question if you have one, even a practical one about schools, providers or insurance.
• Keep a small notebook for the resources people mention, and check them out on your own afterward.
• Try another location if the time or the mix of people does not suit you.
• Remember that you are allowed to just listen.

Taking the first step

If you are a mom in Dallas or nearby carrying a child's mental health challenge, look up the next meeting date on our Coffee Days page and plan to come. If you have questions first, call the Foundation and we will connect you with the person who coordinates the groups.

If you are earlier in the process and still trying to understand what is happening with your child, our guide on what to do when your teenager has changed is a good place to begin. If your child has just come home from a hospital stay or a crisis, our guide on the first weeks after a mental health crisis covers what families can do. And if you know another mother who is struggling quietly, the kindest thing you can do may be to offer to come with her the first time.

Questions people ask me